THIS FICKLE HEART
by Lynzi Mills
Summary: Brought up within a tight circle, at last Clarissa had the chance to break free. Meeting a future movie star began a long road to discovering her own heart.
1. Chapter 1 Flashback 2006

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF THE REAL PEOPLE NAMED IN THIS STORY. I DO HOWEVER KNOW CLARISSA. NO HARM IS MEANT TO ANYONE. ITS JUST PURE FANTASY. 

THIS FICKLE HEART

CHAPTER ONE

FLASHBACK 2006

'Are you absolutely positive that this is the right place Clarissa?'

I looked out through the blacked out back windows of the SUV.

'Yes…The Angel, St Giles High Street, Soho.' I clarified.

'It looks like a spit and sawdust establishment to me.' My friend Henry groaned.

He was dropping me off at the pub, where my girlfriends had arranged to meet.

'Do you want me to come with?' He asked helpfully.

'Don't be silly H. You don't want to be spotted in a spit and sawdust establishment now do you? You'd better move actually. It's double yellow lines here. You don't want to get a ticket…What would pater say?' I giggled wickedly.

'If you're sure Clarissa. I don't want to lose you to white slavers or anything.' He laughed, raising an eyebrow.

'I'll be fine.' I made a move to open the door.

'Hey Princess…Kiss.' He smirked, tapping a finger on his cheek.

I kissed his cheek.

'See you later H.' I giggled and dived out of the car.

I watched as the car drove away, disappearing around the corner.

I couldn't see Henry because of the blacked out windows but I knew he was watching, probably waving.

I opened the door to the pub timidly, glancing inside.

It seemed friendly enough.

Not many people around.

Music playing in the background, Bon Jovi's Always. One of my favourites. Well that was a good sign.

I couldn't see any of my friends though.

I walked up to the bar.

'Hi. Could I have a bottle of Heineken please?' I asked the middle aged barman.

'ID…Can't serve you without id.' He informed me.

I took out my drivers licence and handed it to him.

He stared at me and then the licence.

'18…Really. Oh well. Heineken wasn't it?' He smiled.

'Yes thanks. No glass.' I grinned, putting my licence back into my wallet and taking out a £10 note to pay for my beer.

'Is there a smoker's area anywhere?' A lot of pubs and public places had already banned smoking inside, although it hadn't become law yet.

'Out through the door and down the passage.' The barman told me.

'18 and a smoker.' He smirked.

'And a boozer apparently.' I laughed, holding up the beer bottle.

'Well…You've come to the right pub gorgeous.' He grinned and winked mischievously.

'Ah…If only I were 10 years older.' I chuckled back at him, walking toward the door he had pointed me to.

I heard him laugh, 'more like 20 years darlin'

I walked out into the small yard. Smokers paradise.

Took my packet and lighter from my bag and lit a much needed cigarette.

I took a deep drag and sighed audibly.

'You needed that.' My heart skipped a beat.

I turned and saw one handsome specimen of the male kind.

He was tall. Well over 6ft.

He had shoulder length brown hair and a full beard.

His eyes were mesmerising. Deep steely blue, framed by the longest lashes I'd ever seen on a man.

I mumbled. 'S…Sorry?'

'You look as though you needed that ciggie.' He grinned, lighting his own 'ciggie'.

'Absolutely.' I smiled.

We smoked in silence. I took a swig of my beer.

'Do…Would you mind if I sit?' He asked, pulling out the chair next to me. 'I'm waiting for a mate and he's late as bloody usual.' He grinned, blowing more smoke through his lips.

'My friends are late too.' I told him, checking my mobile, in case I'd missed a call.

'Maybe we should blow them off…Teach them a lesson.' He laughed.

He had such an infectious laugh and I found myself laughing right along with him.

Then my phone vibrated on the table.

'Clarrie…Where are you?' It was my friend Melissa.

'The Angel, Soho.' I told her in a huff.

'Soho? I said the Angel, Islington.' She protested.

No…No you said Soho. I'm sat here waiting for you.' I told her adamantly.

To be honest, I wasn't that bothered.

'Clarrie, call a cab.' Melissa suggested.

'No Milly. You know what. I'll just go back to Henry's place.' I told her.

'Oh alright Clarissa. So…We'll see you tomorrow then?'

'Yep…See you tomorrow.'

I switched off my phone and threw it into my bag, took another swig from the bottle and sat back in the chair with a loud sigh.

'So aren't your friends coming?' The bearded one asked.

'No.' I sighed again, 'I got the wrong Angel.'

'Well…I didn't.' He smiled shyly.

I finished my beer and made a move.

'Can I…Would you like another?'

'No…Thanks. I have to get going.' I mumbled nervously.

'Please…Just one?'

I considered it for…Oh about 3 seconds.

'Alright…But first…Tell me who is buying me a beer.'

'I'm Rob. Hi…And you are?' He grinned. He really was quite handsome.

Clarissa…Clarrie to my friends.' I smiled.

'It's nice to meet you Clarissa.' He took my hand and shook it gently.

He had really big hands compared to mine.

Long fingers too. Piano players fingers my grandma would have said.

He was still holding my hand. Rubbing his thumb over my palm. His eyes sparkled and he raised one bushy eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips.

I was hypnotised. My heart thundering in my chest and my stomach full of butterflies.

We heard a throat clearing loudly behind us, bringing us back to our senses.

'Tom…You're late you wanker.' Rob laughed, as he let go of my hand.

'Well. You obviously didn't miss me Patty.' Rob's friend chuckled mischievously.

'Not one bit mate. This beautiful girl kept me company.'

I blushed.

'So…Introductions Patty. Don't keep her all to yourself.'

'Tom Sturridge…Clarissa…Um…Sorry.' He grinned sheepishly.

'St James.' I told him, 'Rob…Um…Sorry.' I giggled.

'Robert Pattinson. The actor, don't you know?' Tom announced theatrically.

Rob smacked his friends arm playfully.

'Really? An actor? Wow! How exciting.' I smiled.

'And you are?' Tom asked.

'A student…English Lit.' I answered proudly.

'Shakespeare and all that shite?' Tom guffawed. 'Romeo, Romeo , where fart thou Romeo.' He laughed uproariously at his own joke.

I must have grimaced.

'Very original Thomas and pray, do tell me Sire. What thou dost do for thy living?' I asked sarcastically.

Rob giggled. 'Yeah go on Sturridge, tell her.'

'I'm an actor too.' Tom mumbled.

'Right…Well obviously not at the Royal Shakespeare Company then?'

'Currently unemployed.' Rob laughed, 'awaiting his big break.'

'Shut up Patty. You can talk. Tell her where you're off to next week.' Tom countered jokingly.

'Shut up Tom.'

'Our man Rob here, is off to La La land. Hooray for Hollywood.' Tom chuckled, 'not a hope in hell's chance. Borrowed the airfare from mammy and pappy P, didn't you mate?'

'Hollywood…Impressive.' I answered.

'Yeah…I have an audition. I know I won't get it but…'

'Well you have to try Rob. Do your best…You have as much chance as anyone else.' I told him encouragingly.

'Yeah, that's what my mum said.' He smiled.

'Come on Patty. Get the beers in.' Tom demanded.

'My shout…Bottle Rob?' I asked, taking my wallet from my bag, 'and you Thomas. What be thy beverage of choice?' I grinned.

'Yeah…Same here love…Thanks.'

'No problem. You out of work actors probably haven't got 2 pennies to scratch your arse's with.'

Rob laughed raucously. 'You're right there love. Come on, I'll help you.'

We had a couple more bottles. A few more cigarettes and chatted.

We talked about favourite movie's, books and football.

'Really…You're an Arsenal fan?' Rob asked incredulously.

'Yes…My friend Henry supports them. I've been to quite a few matches.' I told him.

I didn't mention the fact, that we had actually sat in the Directors box or that I had met the team on a number of occasions. Too much information alert.

It was almost 10pm. 'I have to make a move.' I told the two handsome young chaps.

'Um…Clarissa.' Rob said softly.

'Clarrie.' I told him.

'Really…We're friends now?' He smirked, raising his eyebrows at me, his hand pushing through his hair nervously.

'Of course. We've shared beers, cigs and stupid jokes. I had fun. Thank you. Both of you but I really must call a cab.'

'Would…Would you like to share a burger?' Rob grinned.

'Hmmm…You know, I'm actually starving. I'll buy, you can pay me back when you're rich and famous.' I laughed, grabbing my bag.

'Come on Sturridge…Free burgers.' Rob chuckled.

'Nah…Not for me. I'm gonna see if Julie comes in. I'll catch you guys later.' Tom said. He winked at Rob conspiratorially, then waved us goodbye.

'Right then Miss St James. BurgerKing or McDonalds?'

'Which is the nearest?' I asked, not really knowing my way around this part of London.

'BurgerKing. Come on.' He smiled and grabbed my hand.

We walked for at least 10 minutes, still holding hands.

'I like you Clarrie.' He said suddenly.

'I like you too Rob.'

'How old are you?'

'I'm 18 and you?' I asked, puzzled by the seriousness in his voice.

'I'm 20. I want to see you again Clarrie, can I?' He said quickly.

Oh drat!

'I'm going home tomorrow Rob. I've been staying with friends all week.,This is my last night in London.' I told him sadly.

'Oh…Right. So…Where's home?' He laced his fingers through mine.

I looked up at him. He must be well over 6ft, I was 5ft 8, and he towered over me.

'The Isle of Wight. I attend Southampton University.'

We'd reached BurgerKing. There was a huge queue.

'Bugger this.' Rob said, pulling me past the fast food restaurant. 'McDonalds, they have more staff, less waiting.' He grinned.

I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the long line of eagerly waiting people.

'This is nice.' He smiled down at me.

'What is?'

He lifted our entwined hand, 'this.'

I smiled back at him, 'yes…it is.'

'Clarrie.' He gulped. 'Can I…I mean.' He mumbled nervously, his free hand sweeping through his gorgeous mane of hair.

'What Rob…What is it. What's wrong?' I asked gently.

'I really…Really want to kiss you Clarrie. Can I?' He asked shyly, brushing his hair again.

'If you keep doing that, you'll be bald by the time you're 30.' I grinned.

'Nervous habit, along with mumbling and saying stupid bloody things…Like can I kiss you.' He said quietly, shaking his head.

'It wasn't stupid…Yes, you can kiss me, if you really…'

I couldn't finish my sentence.

His lips covered mine in the softest, sweetest kiss.

When we parted. I opened my eyes and looked into his face.

He smiled a beautiful smile through his beard.

I slowly closed my eyes. Pushed myself up on tip toes and found his mouth waiting for me.

Right there, in the middle of the pavement, on a busy London street.

For the first time in my 18 years. I was French kissed.

I felt his tongue run along my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to him. Tentatively touching his tongue with mine..He groaned. I shivered..We pulled away from each other slowly.

'Are you cold love?' He asked softly into my ear.

'A little.' I replied.

God, he was a good kisser.

My shiver had absolutely nothing to do with the weather.

I wanted to wrap my arms around him and ravage his mouth again.

'Here.' He said, taking off his tatty leather jacket and placing it around my shoulders.

I snuggled in. He held the lapels and pulled me closer.

This time his lips crashed onto me. His tongue finding my already open mouth.

He plunged his tongue, sliding over mine.

It was heaven.

I could hear footsteps walking past us, even an 'excuse me' when someone tried to pass us but I didn't care. This beautiful man was kissing me passionately and I was loving it.

He eventually pulled away. Both of us breathing faster, heavier.

'Wow!' He exclaimed. 'I'd like to shake the hand of the guy who taught you how to kiss.' He laughed teasingly.

'You'd better shake yourself by the hand then.' I told him, looking up through my lashes.

He looked at me quizzically.

'That's the first time I've French kissed Rob.' I told him honestly, biting my bottom lip furiously.

We'd started walking again.

He never replied. He just took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

We bought our Big Mac meals. Rob also opting for 2 cheeseburgers.

'We could walk over to the park or…' He said sheepishly.

'Or?' I questioned.

'Well…Um…I'm staying at Tom's place. We…Well we could go there. It's not far.' He suggested, already dipping into his bag and stuffing French fries into his mouth.

'Alright but I'll have to phone my friend Henry.' I told him, handing him the brown paper sack to hold.

I speed dialled Henry.

After two rings he answered.

'Clarrie. Where are you?''

'I'm with a friend.' I told him.

'Do you want me to send a car?' He asked helpfully.

'No, I'm fine. I'll get a cab. I'll see you later alright?'

'Yes…I suppose so. Well, have fun Princess.' He said quietly.

'I will, bye Ha…Henry.' I ended the call.

'Is he your…Boyfriend?' Rob asked, walking up a flight of steps, leading to a red painted door.

'He's a family friend. We've grown up together. His mother and my mother were best friends. When his mother died suddenly…well my mother sort of looked out for him and his brother and when my parents… When they died. Henry's dad looked out for me. We're very close. Like brother and sister.'

We walked into what could only be described as a single males abode.

Dirty plates. Beer cans, bottles and clothes strewn all over.

An ashtray filled to the brim, on what was probably once a very nice coffee table but was now covered in scratches, coffee stains and God knows what else!

The remains of a fried breakfast, left on a plate and a half filled mug of cold coffee.

There were magazines, newspapers and sheets of paper scattered all over and on the wall a poster from a Harry Potter movie.

I gasped. 'Is that…You?' I asked disbelievingly.

'Um…Yeah. It was just a small part. Nothing to write home about. You're not into Harry then?' He grinned, as I walked forward to gaze in awe of his picture.

He looked so different. Clean shaven and so young.

'No…I'm not a fan of Harry.' I admitted. Oh the irony of that sentence!

'I'm sorry about the mess. I…Wasn't expecting visitors tonight.' Rob giggled, making an effort to clear a space on the sofa.

'Do you want a plate…I could wash one for you?' He offered.

'No, I'm fine. Nothing like eating a Big Mac straight from the box.' I smiled, taking his jacket off and feeling the loss of it's warmth immediately.

'So…Henry. Where does he live?' Rob asked nonchalantly, biting into his burger.

'Oh um.' I bit my lip.

I couldn't tell him.

I wasn't allowed. 'Oh his dad and stepmother have a flat…In Mayfair.' I lied.

'Wow! Mayfair. Nice address.' Rob grinned, 'sounds better than Soho.'

'It's nice but I prefer my house on the Island.' I confessed.

We finished our meals, generally chatting.

Then the dreaded subject came up again.

'So what does Henry do for a living?' Rob asked questioningly.

'He's in the Army actually. He's a second Lieutenant.' Not a lie.

'Hmmm, a soldier. Good career prospects. Much safer than the acting profession.' He grimaced.

'Safer? The prospect of being shot in Afghanistan or any other theatre of war his superiors send him too, not dangerous enough?' I asked incredulously.

My one dread with Henry being in his chosen career. Being sent to fight overseas.

'I didn't mean…Sorry.'

'Rob…' I sighed, wanting this line of questioning to end.

'Yes Clarrie.'

'Would you do me a favour and stop asking me about Henry. He's not here…You are.'

Very brave Princess. I could almost hear Harry laugh.

'Sorry love. I'm just nosey by nature. Do you want to watch the telly? I have some DVD's.' He asked.

'No thanks. Can we just talk?'

'Of course. What do you want to talk about?' He smiled, taking two cigarettes from his packet and lighting them.

We sat in silence, smoking our cigarettes.

The air was electric.

I finished my cigarette and put it out, a few minutes later Rob finished his, smiling sheepishly at me.

'So…Topic of conversation is?' He asked, his thick eyebrows raised inquisitively.

'I don't want to talk.' I told him softly.

'Well…What do you want to do then?'

'Could…Would you kiss me?'

'I thought you'd never ask love.'

He smiled and pulled me into his strong arms.

His lips crushing mine. His tongue pushing into my mouth.

My hands automatically moved into his soft hair.

He groaned.

My heart was thundering in my chest.

Then his mouth moved to my neck. His tongue sweeping over the sensitive skin behind my ear.

I had never experienced anything like it.

My body tingled and when I heard him moan, 'so beautiful Clarrie' My stomach muscles tightened and I felt as though I would explode.

'I want to touch you Clarrie…Can I?' He asked through his kisses.

'Hmmm.' I hummed.

I have to tell him…I have to be honest with him.

'Rob, I need to tell you something.' I said, feeling his hand go under my sweatshirt. Under my t-shirt and onto bare skin.

'Hmmm.' I sighed.

His hand moved further up to cup my boob over my bra. My nipples firming at his touch.

'Rob…I.'

'What love? Do you want me to stop?' He asked quietly.

'No…Don't stop…But.' I mumbled.

His strong hand kneading my bare breast, now under my bra.

'Tell me Clarrie. What is it love?' He breathed huskily.

'I…I'm…A virgin Rob.' His hand stopped instantly.

He withdrew it from under my clothing and stared at me incredulously.

'A…A virgin?'

'Yes Rob…It means I've never had sex.' I said, annoyed that he found it so unbelievable.

'I know what it means Clarrie. It's just…Well I've never had…I mean.' He mumbled almost incoherently.

'You've never HAD a virgin?' I snapped.

Moving to get up from the sofa.

'Yes…I mean no. I've never…Had a virgin.' He repeated.

'Why do you look so shocked Rob? Do I look different from any of the other girls you've had?' I asked, reaching for my mobile phone.

'Where are you going? Don't leave Clarrie. I'm sorry.'

'Don't worry about it Rob. It's getting late. I should go.' I told him, walking toward the door.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his chest, kissing my forehead. Very brotherly like.

'Clarrie. I brought you back here because I really like you. I…Well I've never had sex with a virgin it's true but I don't want to have sex with you Clarrie. I want to make love to you. It's not the same love.'

He crushed his lips to mine again and I melted against his chest.

'Make love to me Rob.' I whispered.

He moaned as he sucked my tongue into his mouth.

He walked backward, pulling me with him.

I opened my eyes.

We were heading down a short hallway into another room.

'This is my room. It's not as messy as the rest of the flat.' He grinned.

He wasn't kidding.

Apart from a few items of clothing on a chair, it was really tidy.

Even the bed was made.

'We're you expecting company in here Rob?' I smiled.

'No…It's always like this.' He admitted, sitting on the edge of his bed and pulling me onto his lap.

'Clarrie…Are you sure about this?' He asked softly.

'I'm very sure Rob. I want you to be my first.'

I'd never been so absolutely certain about anything before.

'I need to take this slowly love. I'll tell you everything I'm going to do but Clarrie…If you change your mind at anytime…Just tell me to stop and I will…Okay?'

'Okay.' I was biting my lip again.

He smiled.

His hands on my face pulling me toward him. He kissed me slowly, his tongue sweeping across my lips.

'I'm going to take your top off love alright?' He asked softly.

I nodded and held my arms up for him to remove my sweatshirt.

'Your turn.' I told him.

He followed suit and kissed me again, more urgently, passionately.

I could feel his arousal pushing against me.

Too slow.

'Rob…Can we just get naked and get into bed?' I suggested bravely.

'If that's what you want love.' He chuckled.

'What's so funny?' I asked.

'Who's the seducer here, you or me.' He smirked cheekily.

'You…Most definitely…You.' I replied timidly.

'Then let me seduce you Clarrie.' He gave me a breathtaking, deep kiss, that twisted my insides and turned me into jelly.

One thing was for certain…He was, without any shadow of doubt, the seducer.


	2. Chapter 2 Sweet talking guy

CHAPTER TWO

SWEET TALKING GUY

We stripped.

I could feel a blush creep up my chest, my neck and blast onto my face as I stood before him in only my panties and bra.

He had a gorgeous body. A firm slightly hairy chest. Thicker hair from his navel down under his black boxer shorts. His erection evident. I swallowed heavily. God he was big.

"Come here love." He said softly, his arms open to me.

I walked into his arms.

He reached behind my back and unhooked my bra, sliding the straps down my arms slowly.

He gasped. "You're so beautiful Clarrie." He said huskily.

"So are you Rob." I smiled as his lips began kissing my neck, collarbones then dipping down to kiss my breasts, my nipples hardening into bullets when I felt his tongue lick me slowly.

"Let's get into bed." He suggested hoarsely.

I climbed in. The cotton sheets cold against my burning skin.

I was really going to do this, I told myself.

We lay side by side, Rob gazing into my eyes.

He cleared his throat.

"Clarrie, I want to taste you. Do you know what I mean by that?" He asked questioningly.

"I'm a virgin Rob not an ignoramus. Of course I know what you mean." I giggled, remembering a rather naughty Black Lace book I'd read.

"You want to plunge your tongue into my hot, wet pussy." I recited.

His face was an absolute picture. Shocked was an understatement.

"Well actually. I was going to say. I want to tongue fuck you but that works too." He grinned wickedly.

I laughed. "I've never done it Rob but it doesn't stop me reading about it."

"Well, you've read about it. Now let's see how you handle experiencing it." He grinned, his eyebrows wriggling mischievously.

He kissed down my stomach. His beard tickling me mercilessly, his tongue swirling into my belly button.

"Lift up love. I need to get these panties off. I need to see your hot, wet pussy." He grinned teasingly.

I lifted my hips from the bed. Felt his long fingers gently tugging my panties down my legs. Then I gasped, as a finger slid into my already slick folds.

His calloused thumb gently swirling my clit.

My breath hitched.

"Christ your so wet Clarrie. Open your legs love, relax." He said softly from under the duvet.

I felt his beard tickle my inner thigh and jumped when his tongue licked me.

He put his hands on my hips to hold me still but my body was jerking of its own volition.

The sensations coursing through me, unbelievable.

He lifted my legs over his shoulders, his face pressed firmly between my legs.

Then his tongue plunged into me, my hips jerked automatically.

"Oh! My Rob. Hmmm mmm. Feels. So. Damn. Good.' I moaned.

His tongue was pushing in and out of me. While his thumb, or maybe finger, pushed and circled my clit.

My stomach muscles clenched. My body a time bomb waiting to explode.

My heart racing now, my breathing ragged.

His deep, throaty words pushing me toward the goal.

"God Clarrie. I can feel you love. You taste like honey, hmmm…So good." He hummed, I felt the vibration from his lips and erupted.

"Oh God. Yes. Hmmmm. Oh Rob.' I moaned loudly.

Responding to his fingers moving faster. His tongue lapping me, licking and sucking at my flesh.

All the sounds. His heavy breathing, my whimpers.

The intense feelings. His beard, every element of this experience bringing another crashing release.

I wanted to scream, swear, beg for him to never stop.

"Tell me Clarrie. Tell me what you want love?" He asked breathlessly.

"More Rob. Please. More." I groaned nosily.

I felt long fingers pushing into me.

"Do you like that love? Do you like my fingers fucking your tight little pussy?"

'Oh for. Oh for God's sake Rob. More. I love it I want more.'

"Talk dirty love. Go on, you can do it." He urged, all the while his fingers playing me.

He was a magician.

He knew exactly what he was doing.

I felt his fingers curl inside me and my body jerked and jolted.

"What. Was . That? Oh my God. Rob. Oh yes. Hmmmm."

Another orgasm shaking through my body.

I was clamping his fingers inside me so tightly. I didn't even know how I was doing it. I just was.

He licked and lapped me again. His tongue slurping me hard. His moans driving me crazy with desire.

"I'm not wasting any of you love. This is all mine." I heard him moan.

I ran my hands down into his soft hair. Tugging a little as my orgasm subsided and my breathing slowly returned to normal.

He moved back up my body slowly, kissing my stomach, my ribs, my neck.

I felt his hard erection against me, as he crashed his lips to mine, his beard damp with my juices.

"See how good you taste love?' He moaned into my mouth.

I could smell and taste myself on him as he plunged his tongue into my waiting mouth.

I moaned, not wanting these sensations to ever stop.

I felt his length twitch against my stomach.

"Clarrie. Are you sure you want this?' He asked gently, gazing into my eyes.

Was he kidding me? I never wanted anything so badly in my life.

"Talk dirty Clarrie.' I remembered his words to me.

I gulped audibly. "Fuck me Rob. Fuck me hard. Put your cock in me.' I told him shyly.

His breath hitched and I slowly reopened my legs to him.

He smiled, reassuringly and moved in between them.

I felt his manhood nudging against my lower lips.

"Oh shit. …Sorry love. I almost forgot.' He groaned, jumping off the bed and opening a dresser drawer.

"What is it Rob?' I asked innocently.

"Condom love.' He said, tearing open the small packet, taking the sheath and rolling it over his full length. He was magnificent. Long and thick, smooth and…

"Hurry up Rob.' I whispered urgently.

"I've created a monster.' He giggled, jumping back onto the bed and back in between my legs.

"I'm going to go slowly Clarrie. If it hurts too much, you must tell me alright love?'

I nodded, biting my bottom lip in anticipation.

He held his erection in his hand, moving it slowly up and down my slick lower lips. Rubbing over my already pulsing clit.

It felt amazing.

Then he pushed into me slowly.

I gasped as I felt him stretch me wider. He pushed again , my breathing quickening, my body tensing involuntarily.

"Relax my love.' He told me, kissing me softly.

He pushed a little more.

Inch by inch he pushed into me, then I felt pain, there was resistance.

He kissed me, his lips stifling my whimpers, he pushed again.

It was strange. …I had imagined agony. …Screaming but…

Don't get me wrong. It did hurt …For about 20 seconds it felt like …Well not as bad as a period cramp.

Rob pushed one more time, a little more pain.

"Breathe Clarrie. …Just relax baby.' He smiled, he pushed his body into me and finally our hips were nudging. He was in me.

He began to move slowly.

"Let yourself go love. Move with me.' He whispered, his breathing deeper, heavier as he looked down at me.

"Harder Rob. …Do it.' I ordered huskily.

He pushed in and out, faster and harder. I felt the full length of his hard cock slide in and out of me,

I was gasping for breath.

"Oh Rob. …I'm… Oh yes… Oh fuck.' I screamed, as the most intense orgasm yet, erupted in me.

"Fuck Clarrie. …Gonna cum… Can't hold it love. Fuck… Fuck….' He yelled as I felt his orgasm pump from his body.

I could feel him twitching inside me and his breathy swearing and spasms brought another wave, of the most intense pleasure for me.

"Oh God Rob …I can't stop …Coming …Oh fuck!'

He lay his sweaty head on my chest, both of us breathing rapidly, in gasps. I giggled.

"What's…Funny.' He grinned.

"You popped my cherry.' I laughed.

"Yes my love, I certainly did.' He laughed back.

He pulled out of me slowly.

"Um Clarrie …You um need to clean up a bit.' He smiled gently.

Then I saw the blood.

Not much but enough to make my cheeks burn red with embarrassment.

'Oh God…I'm so sorry Rob.' I gabbled nervously.

'Hey…Don't worry love. It's not a problem. Here.' He threw me a t-shirt.

He must have noticed a tear falling down my cheek.

He walked toward me, his boxers back on.

'Hey…What's wrong beautiful? It's okay Clarrie.' He whispered gently, pulling me into his bare chest.

He kissed me slowly.

I ran my hands up his chest, over his neck and into the back of his head.

His hair was so soft. I scratched my long nails gently on his scalp.

'Hmmm…That feels nice love.' He hummed into my mouth.

I pulled him closer, our bare chests rubbing against each other.

'Jesus Clarrie…I want you again love. I've only fucking kissed you. Look what you do to me.' He breathed huskily, taking one of my hands and laying it against his protruding bulge.

I whimpered. 'You're so hard Rob.'

He moved my hand up and down his length through his shorts, my fingers curling around him.

'Rob…Show me how…'

'Tell me love. Say the words Clarrie.' He whispered.

'Teach me how to…Give good head.' Yeah okay, another sentence courtesy of Black Lace.

He chuckled. 'You've been reading porno Clarrie St James?'

I bit my lip, not daring to look at him. My face already burning. I could feel it.

'You want me…You want to give me a blow-job Clarrie? Is that it love?' He wasn't smiling but his eyes were glittering lustily. I nodded.

'Okay…Well shower first alright? You want to join me?'

'Yes.' I gulped.

'Come on…Put this on.' He passed me the t-shirt again and chuckled.

'It's a bit big Rob.' His t-shirt was almost a dress on me.

'It covers the essentials sweetheart.' He grinned, taking my hand.

We walked back out into the hallway and into the bathroom.

'Tom's not home. Julie must have turned up at the pub. He'll be at her place.' He smiled wickedly, waggling his bushy eyebrows.

'We have the place to ourselves. Come on beautiful. I have a lesson to teach you.' He pulled me into his arms, reaching behind me to lock the bathroom door.

He pulled the t-shirt from my body and turned on the shower.

The heat of the shower filling the small room with steam instantaneously.

He kissed me hard. Our tongues slipping and sliding over the others. my moans more audible in the tiled bathroom.

'I've never met anyone like you Clarrie. You're so soft and warm against me love. God…I want to do things with you I've never even thought about before. I want to show you everything. Give you everything. I want my tongue in you again Clarrie. I want to feel you cum on my tongue love.'

I yelped. 'Shower…Now.'

I pushed out of his arms and jumped into the shower.

The water from the huge shower head above me raining down, blissfully warm water.

'Let me wash your hair baby?' he breathed into my ear.

Then gently nipped the lobe.

He lathered shampoo into my long hair, his fingers massaging my scalp.

I hummed in approval.

'Hold your head back a bit sweetheart. I don't want to get shampoo in your eyes. It stings like fuck.' He giggled.

I tilted my head back.

He took the opportunity to run his tongue down my neck, sucking the skin under my jaw.

'That's it love…Soaps out.' He smiled wickedly. Filling his hand with shower gel.

He rubbed his hands together then ran them down my body, gently kneading both breasts, pinching my nipples.

'Hmmm…Feels so good Rob.' I breathed.

His hands slipped down my sides, over my waist and hip bones.

The soapy bubbles gliding down my legs, his long fingers following behind.

I felt one hand move to my bum cheek and the other slipping between my legs.

'So beautiful Clarrie. I have to do this…I can't wait any longer.'

He said abruptly and sank to his knees, kissing me, using his two thumbs to open me to him.

His tongue flat, licking me like some delicious ice cream.

He hummed, moaned all the time lapping me, sucking my clit.

It was incredible, indescribable, all the other cliché words I couldn't think of at that moment.

'Clarrie…Put your foot…On my knee baby…Need to go deeper.' He groaned, looking up at me through his impossibly long lashes.

I lifted my foot and slipped.

'I don't feel safe Rob.'

He grabbed me around the waist, lifting me from the shower cubicle and sat me onto the bathroom counter.

I gasped at the cold contrast on my bum cheeks.

He grinned cheekily, raising one eyebrow and pushed my legs apart gently.

'Fuck…So beautiful.' He groaned loudly. Sinking back down on his knees, giving him complete access to my body.

'Clarrie…A short lesson in dirty talk.' He grinned between licks.

'Hmmm.' I moaned, biting my bottom lip in anticipation.

'This …lick…Is a pussy…lick…Or a cunt or…'

'I hate that word…Don't use that one.' I told him adamantly.

'O…kay. No cunt.'

'Rob!'

He giggled.

'So this…lick…Is your sweet…lick…Pussy…lick…And this.'

He pulled me forward, lifting my feet to rest at my sides.

I felt his finger move behind me, and gasped, as he gently rubbed me there.

'This…lick…Is your delectable…Arsehole.'

I whimpered. Shocked at the sensations coursing through my body.

'Um…Rob…Don't.' I said softly, as I felt pressure from his finger. 'Losing my virginity in one orifice is enough this time around.' I told him softly.

He chuckled. 'Sorry love. You just look so damned sexy open to me like this…I nearly fucking came.' He grinned.

'Cum in me Rob…Do it now, please?' I asked. Well, begged really.

He got up from the floor, and smiled.

'And this Clarrie…Is a cock or a dick.' He grinned mischievously. 'And my cock is going to fuck you.'

'Oh yes.' I groaned. Liking the smutty talk.

'Fuck Clarrie…You're dripping for me…Oh fuck your so wet baby.' He growled, as he slowly pushed his cock into my wet pussy.

He pulled out a little, then pushed into me harder. He was torturing me.

'I want you to… Fuck me Rob… Fuck me hard.' I groaned grabbing his bum and pulling him into me.

'Oh fuck Clarrie, so tight love… So fucking wet.'

I dug my nails into his arse.

'Harder Rob.' I moaned, pushing my hips to meet his.

He leaned forward, nipping my nipples with his teeth.

I felt an intense heat burn through me.

My stomach clenched hard, gripping his throbbing cock ramming into me over and over again.

Our breathing ragged, hitching. Our moans of ecstasy echoing around the room.

'Fuck Clarrie…Come for me love. Touch yourself…Let me see you?' He moved my hand from his arse cheek and pushed it down onto me.

I closed my eyes, pushed two fingers through my wetness and rubbed my clit.

'So fucking sexy…Oh fuck…Cum baby…Hmmm…Now Clarrie.' He gasped.

He thrust into me, my breath hitched and I screamed as I came hard.

My whole body jumping, shuddering as I fought to catch my breath.

'Yes…Oh fuck…Fuck…Shit.' Rob yelled, his hot spurts hitting my inner walls and triggering another mind blowing orgasm.

I clenched him hard inside me as he slowed his pace, the last remnants of his orgasm ebbing away.

'Holy fucking hell. What the fuck was that?' He groaned, pulling out of me slowly. 'That was so intense…I've never felt anything like that before.' He growled, gulping air.

I still hadn't opened my eyes. I was still coming down. Pardon the pun.

'Oh fuck Clarrie…Are…Oh shit.' He shouted tensely.

'What's wrong?'

'We didn't…Oh fuck…I forgot the damn condom.' He growled angrily, shaking his head.

'I'm on the pill Rob. I have been for 2 years. Don't panic…I mean…You haven't got any…You know…Std's have you?'

'No love…I'm clean.' His eyebrows raised inquisitively.

'What?' I asked, feeling a little over exposed in front of him.

'The pill for 2 years huh? Been planning this have you love?' He grinned lasciviously.

'Irregular monthly visitor actually.'

'Ah, I see.' He smiled, grabbing two large bath sheets.

He wrapped one around me and the other around his waist.

He kissed my nose.

'Come on let's get some sleep.' He smiled and lifted me, bridal style in his strong arms.

He lay me back down on his bed.

The fluffy white towel still wrapped around me.

He whipped his off and lay down at my side.

'Clarrie…Can I ask you something?' He asked quietly, gazing into my eyes.

His long fingers playing in my wet hair.

'Of course, anything Rob.' I answered, a little afraid of not being able to answer any questions, about Henry.

He gulped audibly.

'Why me? Why did you choose me to be your first?' He asked softly.

'Honestly?' I asked. Would he think my reason…well unreasonable? 'Your beard.' I confessed.

'My…Beard?' He repeated incredulously.

'You're a man Rob. A real man. I know your only 2 years older than me but…Oh this sounds crazy.' I grimaced, biting my lip nervously.

He pulled my lip from my teeth and gave me a mouth watering smile.

'Go on.' He said, his finger running across my lip.

'I was attracted to your voice…Your beard, chest hair, your lips, even your smell. You're a real man, not a boy, not a…I know a lot of boys but I know only one other man and he's like a brother to me. When you first spoke to me…at the pub. I felt a tingle in my chest, your voice turned me on but when I saw you, the tingles turned to trembles in the pit of my stomach. I think…' I smiled sheepishly.

'What love?' He pushed, his fingers now sliding over my collarbones.

'I think…I came when you smiled at me…I…I…could feel myself getting wet…And when you kissed me…I knew you had to be the one.' I admitted softly.

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me slowly.

'Clarrie, I have to see you again…Please…Give me your mobile number. I don't want this to be a one night stand. I really like you Clarrie…I want more. I don't just mean…The lovemaking. I want to know you Clarissa. I want to know everything about you. I want to meet your friends and family and I want you to meet mine. I…I feel more than like for you Clarrie, do you understand what I'm saying love?'

'I feel the same Rob. I think…I could easily fall for you.'

He sighed deeply.

'I know I can fall for you love, believe me, I'm almost there.' He grinned sheepishly.

"Do you still want me to show you how to give a blow-job?"

"Yes." I answered quietly.

"Give me your hand Clarrie." He took my hand and placed in on his cock.

"Hold it Clarrie. Give it a squeeze love. Hmm, yeah that's it love."

His hand was on mine, guiding me, moving up and down his growing cock.

I could feel the silkiness, hardness growing in my hand.

"Here, Clarrie." He took my thumb and placed it on the head. "Now move your thumb. Slow, circular movements. Oh fuck yeah. Now taste it, off your thumb love." He moaned.

I tentatively placed my thumb in my mouth and tasted him.

It was salty, slightly bitter.

"Now lick it Clarrie, lick the head love." I put my head down, and licked him. My tongue sliding over him, while his breath hitched. "Yeah baby, now run your tongue down the length love. Hmmm, shit yeah, right down to my balls. Oh fuck, now back up, ooh." His breathing was speeding up.

"Now take me in your mouth love. Put your lips around me, hmm, now push your face down. Push me into your mouth. Ooh sweet Jesus, yeah. Now suck love, don't go down too far love, not yet. Holy fuck, you've done this before."

I shook my head and tried to mumble a protest. A little difficult with your mouth full.

"Oh fuck Clarrie. That's it love, suck harder, move up and down, faster love. Fuck Clarrie, if you don't want me to cum in your mouth baby, you'd better stop...Now Clarrie, don't... Now. Holy fucking shit." Rob gasped.

I didn't want to stop.

I wanted to feel him cum. I wanted to taste him.

Suddenly, he was holding his breath. I sucked him harder, then felt the first spurt of cum hit the back of my throat.

Thick, warm, salty, his body was jerking uncontrollably as he groaned loudly.

I felt his cock throbbing in my hand, as I gripped him gently, waiting for him to stop.

I swallowed, once, twice, three times. Then he hit the back of my throat and I gagged.

I pulled off of him, still squeezing him until the last cum trickled down his length and onto the back of my hand.

His eyes were shut tight, his breathing returning to normal.

He opened his eyes in time to see me lick his cum from my hand.

He groaned again.

"Oh fuck Clarrie, that's so fucking hot love. If you've never done that before, you're a natural."

"I've never done it before Rob, was it alright?"

"Alright? It was fucking amazing. Best blow-job I've ever had."

"Really?" I didn't believe him for one second.

"I swear it Clarrie. Did you enjoy it love?"

"Hmm, it sort of made me..."

"What love?"

"Wet again."

He grinned. "Oh really. Let me see?"

I lay back on the pillow, he pulled the towel off of me and opened my legs.

"Fuck, you've come, a lot. I'm not wasting this."

I felt his thumbs open my pussy lips, then his tongue pushed into me again.

"So fucking delicious." He moaned. "So fucking sweet, so wet baby." I felt his long tongue move lower.

"Oh my God Rob." I gasped as he licked my ass-hole.

I thought I would be disgusted but it felt so good, then he pushed a finger into me, still lapping at my pussy.

"Do you like that love. I want to do such naughty things to you Clarrie. I've never done this with anyone before. Oh God, I want to fuck you again Clarrie." He breathed hoarsely.

"Not there Rob. Touch me there, oh yes. Push your tongue in me deeper. I want your cock in me Rob, fuck me please." I whimpered.

He moved up my body. I felt his cock at my entrance, he smiled.

"I want to fuck you hard Clarrie. I want to cum over your belly." He pushed into me, my pussy walls gripping him.

"Fuck, so tight love." He thrust into me hard, my hips synchronised, meeting his, as he pumped me hard.

It was unbelievable, I felt I was cumming strong. His cock and my pussy making slurping noises, as he fucked me.

"I'm cumming Clarrie. Fuck... Cum baby." I felt an explosion deep in the pit of my stomach. Felt my juices running out of my body. Rob pulled out, his hot cum pumping from him onto my stomach and tits, he was gasping for breath, as he squeezed the last from his deflating cock.

"Holy fucking shit. That was fucking unbelievable." He collapsed in a heap next to me.

Then reached over on his bedside cabinet for a pack of wet wipes.

He grinned, as he wiped his thick cum from me body, I smiled. "So how was it for you?"

"Best fuck ever." He chuckled.

Okay, fishing for compliments? Really?

I yawned.

'Oh God Rob. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…' I apologised.

'Well it is almost 3 am love. Come on, snuggle down. It's time to sleep my love.' He said quietly.

I yawned again.

He pulled me into his chest, spooning his body around me, enveloping his arms tightly, securely.

He ran a hand slowly though my hair.

'Sleep my Clarrie.' He whispered.

I closed my eyes, drifting into a blissful sleep.

When I awoke it was light.

The sun shining through the chinks in the heavy curtains at his bedroom window.

I managed to move my body, slowly, carefully.

Unhooking his arm from around my waist.

He stirred.

'Hmmm, morning beautiful.'

Then he turned his back to me and began snoring lightly.

I got out of bed. Grabbed my clothes scattered around the room and quietly crept out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

I washed, cleaned my teeth with a finger, dressed and walked into the lounge.

I found my phone and pressed speed dial for Henry.

'Where the hell have you been Clarissa? I've been going out of my mind. I was about to send a detail out looking for you. Where are you? I'm coming to get you…Don't argue. I mean it Clarissa, are you alright?' He questioned me, not allowing any answers on my part. I sighed.

'Clarissa…Answer me.' He yelled angrily.

'If you would let me get a word in.' I huffed. I hated it when he pulled his big brother attitude on me.

'It doesn't matter now…We're on our way. We've traced your mobile phone signal.' I could hear him grin.

I mean it…I heard audibly, a sarcastic grin.

He was still on the phone.

'Oh good Lord Clarissa St James. What are you doing here? I'm outside…2 minutes. You have 2 minutes and then we'll break down the door. Do you understand me?'

'Oh for goodness sake Henry. I'm fine. Just give me 10 minutes. You know I have no secrets from you.'

'I second after 10 minutes and we'll break the bloody doors down Clarissa.'

'Fine.' I huffed and ended the call.

I grabbed a sheet of paper from a writing pad on the coffee table and wrote Rob a note.

I know it was the coward's way out but…I was afraid…Afraid that he could convince me to stay with him.

I knew in my heart our lives were too different.

Not because of the circles I moved in. I was not a snob by any stretch of the imagination but because of putting him through the scrutiny he would have to endure, just to be a part of my life.

If it were not for my life and the people in it. I would have walked back into the bedroom naked and crawled back in beside him.

I would have awakened him with a kiss…But I couldn't.

This was the only way…A clean break before we both fell too deep. Before it became impossible to walk away from him.

I wiped a tear away from my cheek and began writing…

Dearest Robert,

I'm sorry I had to sneak away.

There are too many secrets about me that you cannot know.

I wouldn't fit into your exciting world and you would definitely not fit into my boring, controlled life.

I will never ever forget this night.

You are a very special man and I'm so glad I met you and chose you to make me a woman.

Have a wonderful life Rob.

I wish you all your dreams come true.

Go to your audition. I have a really good feeling you will captivate them as much a you have me. Please do not try to find me. We cannot see each other again.

I leave a part of my heart with you for always. Take care of yourself my first love.

Your Clarrie XXX

As I wrote, more tears dripped onto the paper.


	3. Chapter 3 The End

CHAPTER TWO

THE END

'Clarissa…Have you heard a word I've said Princess?'

'Sorry Harry…Daydreaming.' I grinned awkwardly.

'Oh let me guess.' He tapped his fingers on his chin conspiratorially.

'Oh shut up.' I laughed. 'Now…What were you saying?' I asked, snapping my mind back to the here and now.

'The dinner at the old man's. Will you be my date?' He nudged me, a big cheesy grin on his face.

'Hey, earth to Clarrie.' I looked at him. His freckled face, red hair, bright pink cheeks.

'Why couldn't I have fallen in love with you Harry? It would have been so much simpler.' I groaned.

'Because love of my life…I'm not an actor or a bloody vampire.' He laughed mischievously.

Then he looked sad.

'It would have made my life easier too Clarissa.'

'I'm sorry Harry…If I've hurt you. I didn't mean to. I know it's been a long time. I should be over him by now but…'

'How in God's name can you get over him? He's everywhere. The bloody magazines, the telly, movie's. I mean the ugly git is everywhere you look. There's even a picture of him in the officer's mess for Christ sake.'

I bit my bottom lip, trying not to laugh. 'Really…In the officer's mess?'

'Women officer's Clarissa…Obsessed women officer's.' He grinned, raising a eyebrow cheekily.

'So…I've made a decision. In 2 weeks time I'm 23 years old. My latest novel's about to hit the shop's. I've already had offers for the screenplay and I'm going to forget…The cherry popper.' I smirked, using Harry's favourite nickname for…

I never said his name…I tried hard not to think it but as Harry said…It was difficult.

'Clarrie…When are you flying across the pond for those meetings?' Harry queried, passing me a lit cigarette.

'I'm supposed to fly out next Wednesday, why?'

'I have 10 days leave starting yesterday. I'm coming with you, well, separately but with you…Oh you know the drill.' He grinned his toothy grin at me.

If I hadn't have met the cherry popper. Would I have eventually fallen in love with my best friend?

'Urg…Separate flights…Hide from the papz. Wear a disguise.' I sighed.

'Sorry Princess…Have you booked Clarrie? I'm sure I could pull some strings…You know get pops to call Sir Richard.' He giggled wickedly.

'I have not booked. If you want to pull daddies strings…I wouldn't mind the company.' I admitted.

I hated flying and flying alone especially.

There was one time, 2 years ago.

I was flying back from LAX to Heathrow, when one of the flight attendants informed me, the cherry popper was on the plane.

I nearly choked on my Heineken.

'He's actually drinking the same as you.' She'd laughed.

'Really?' I grimaced, slipping further down into my seat.

I was in Business class. He was in coach.

I never saw him the whole flight but at Heathrow, I had to push my way through the crowds of paparazzi and fans. One of Harry's detail meeting me, grabbing my bag and guiding me out to the waiting blacked out SUV, minutes before he strolled out.

His head down his shoulders hunched.

A baseball cap and Rayban's strategically placed.

'Hey…Isn't that the cherry popper?' Harry laughed, as we watched him battle his way through the flashes and screaming fans nervously.

'Yes it is…Isn't he beautiful?' I moaned softly.

'Did…Did you see him…On the plane I mean?' Harry asked gently.

'No…I didn't.' I whimpered, still watching him sign autographs for his adoring fans.

'Go Mike, let's get out of here, before Clarissa start's drooling all over us.' Harry ordered his driver.

'You know Princess…' Harry smiled, gently holding my hand. 'It would be very easy for you to meet him again…We could invite him to a charity event, if you wanted.' He suggested helpfully.

'No Henry…It wouldn't work. Too much water under the bridge and all that, besides, he has a girlfriend, he's moved on. He probably wouldn't remember me anyway.'

'Then he's a twat!' Harry declared adamantly.

I heard Mike the driver and Alan his security detail laugh quietly at the front of the car.

'Very becoming HRH.' I giggled helplessly, as he blushed deep red.

'Right so…Dinner at pater and step mater's Clarrie. Black tie…Wear that sexy little Beckham number.'

Harry grinned. 'That should give Mrs Beckham something to smile about.'

'I don't know…Maybe the Gucci.' I wriggled my eyebrows suggestively.

'Oh shit Clar, you wear that and you'll have the bloody male suited and booted with their tongues hanging out.'

'Why Henry Wales…I do believe your blushing.' I laughed raucously.

'And you Princess…Are a tease.' He smiled lifting my hand and placing a soft kiss on my wrist.

'Thank you kind Sir.' I grinned happily.

Our friendly banter continuing until we drove through the gates and onto the quadrangle outside his apartments.

I never tired of the view from his drawing room window.

'What's going on in the park Harry? It looks like a concert.' I asked, watching the crowds of people congregating around Hyde Park.

'Duh Clarrie…Party in the Park.'

'I don't come up to London very often my liege… Pardon me for my enquiry.' I snapped sarcastically.

He smiled, kissed my cheek, and turned.

'I have some calls to make Princess. Ring for tea, I'll be back soon.' I could hear the impatience in his voice. He always took his official duties very seriously, of course, that was how he and William were brought up. They were the personal property of the Crown but both the boys knew they were luckier than they're father. At least they were allowed a childhood. Allowed to choose they're own careers. Allowed to choose girlfriends and eventually. Wills was allowed to choose Kate for his bride.

My bags had been taken to my room.

The same room I had as a child, a teen and now an adult.

Thankfully though, the Ballerina wallpaper had been replaced when I reached early teens and I loved the Lavender of the walls. Very restful.

I lay on my bed and began dozing.

A short tapping waking me abruptly.

'Hello.' I called.

'Only me Princess. Fancy a walk in the park. It's getting dark. We should be safe now.' Harry suggested, already togged up for the covert operation.

'What is it with baseball caps and Rayban's.' I laughed.

'Common as shit Princess. Everyone wears it like a bloody uniform. Put yours on. I'll wait for you in the drawing room. Hurry up or we'll miss the bands.'

I had a quick wash, cleaned my teeth and brushed my stupid long hair.

I was seriously considering getting it all chopped off, only, a certain Captain Wales would disown me.

I grabbed my jacket, put on the baseball cap and Rayban's pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over the top, hiding my hair inside.

I grabbed my iphone and wandered back into the drawing room.

'Hey you're not wearing those are you?' Harry asked, pointing to my peep toe Jimmy Choo's.

'Oh Lord. Force of habit. Hang on.' I ran back into my room. Kicked off the Choo's and found my Nike's in the walk-in.

Then decided to change my tight jeans for a loose fitting pair.

'Much better. Come on, the crew are downstairs waiting.' He smiled, gripping my hand.

'Race you. I'll take the stairs, you take the lift. Don't cheat.' I laughed uproariously, as I ran down the two flights of stairs from Harry's floor to the ground.

Standing outside the lift, lazily checking out my nails, as the lift doors opened.

'What took you so long?' I laughed.

'Alright, Clarrie long legs…You win.' Harry grinned, as we walked toward his security detail.

The crew. As he called them, consisted of two burly plain clothes police officer's and a female.

It was protocol.

He had to have it.

They stayed at a distance, never taking their eyes from us, as we walked toward the huge gathering.

'Come on Henry. Let's join the party.' I smiled happily.

He gripped my hand and we ran toward a beer tent.

'Got any money? I didn't bring my purse.' I grimaced, seeing the long line of waiting people.

'We should have brought an ice-box. There are plenty of beers at home.' Harry moaned.

'Henry…Don't be a party pooper.' I giggled.

'I wish I'd been a cherry popper.' He grimaced.

He wasn't joking.

'Don't start this again Harry…Not tonight please. Let's just have fun…Alright?' I smiled hopefully at him.

'On one condition Clarissa.' He said softly.

'Okay…What's the condition?'

'I get a kiss.' No smile, no grin, no cheeky eyebrow raising.

'Alright H…Come here.' I smiled.

I went to kiss his cheek but he moved, his lips finding mine.

He kissed me longingly. Pulling me into his chest. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me closer still.

His kiss deepened. I felt his tongue push into my mouth and…I felt myself responding.

Kissing him back.

My hands pushed into his hair, pulling him harder into me, he moaned.

Suddenly loud noises. Shouts, flashing lights, and we were ripped apart and literally, dragged away from each other.

The female bodyguard pulling me one way, the burly male detail dragging Harry.

More flashes, more shouts and screams.

'Robert…Over here. Rob look this way. Robert…Robert.'

I began running back towards Harry's apartment. Away from the temptation. Away from the cherry popper.

Joan, the female detail, walked me into the lift to return to Harry's apartment.

'Where did HRH go?' I asked, surprised that he wasn't right behind us.

'Not sure Miss James.' She answered rather surly.

'Well, could you talk to your wrist and find out?' I asked, maybe a little sarcastically.

I heard her talking.

All the code words that probably meant, the bitch wants to know where lover boy is, or some such nonsense.

I could hear her ear piece crackle. 'Okay…Got it…Out.'

'He's met up with some friends Miss James.' She told me officiously.

'St James.' I corrected her.

'Yes Miss St James…Sorry ma'am.'

Fine…Well I'm going to bed. Goodnight Joan and thanks.' I smiled.

I didn't go to bed.

I kicked off my Nikes. Took off the sweatshirt, cap and Rayban's and sat in the window seat looking out over the party, still raging in the park. Wondering who Harry had met up with.

Maybe some of his Army buddie's, perhaps his ex Chelsea.

I liked her and I thought Harry did too but as usual, it never worked out.

He'd dated a lot of very beautiful women. Some the gutter press knew about but most they didn't.

I'd met a few and jokingly gave them tips and pointers on how to make him happy.

I knew him.

I knew his quirks. Knew his ridiculous sense of humour, his wicked side and his soft side.

I'd seen him laugh until he cried and I'd seen him cry, until I said something to make him laugh.

The worse time, always, the anniversary of his mothers death.

All day long he and Wills would be sad.

Kate and I taking the time to spend together, to let the brothers grieve.

They would all comfort me when the date approached that I dreaded. The day my own parents perished in the Paris Concorde crash.

The 25th of July 2000.

3 years after their mother had died in Paris.

3 days before my 13th birthday.

I should have gone with them. The last flight of Concorde. It was to be my birthday treat but I was ill.

I'd had a bout of food poisoning pick up at a friends barbecue party and couldn't go.

Coincidence or fate?

I'd like to think it was Aunt Diana watching over me. That's what the boys believed too.

I heard the door open behind me but I never bothered to turn.

'Did they run out of beer H?' I asked sarcastically.

He never answered.

I groaned. 'Don't be so childish Henry.' Fed up with his adolescent games.

'Clarrie…Is that…Really you?' A voice behind me said softly.

I couldn't move.

My breathing sped up, my heart raced wildly in my chest.

'Clarissa.' He said louder this time.

I was paralysed.

I could feel silent tears rolling down my cheeks.

I could hear him stepping closer and still I couldn't move a muscle.

I felt his hands on my arms. The heat burning through the sleeves of my t-shirt.

'Clarrie…Turn around love…Please.' His voice hitched.

I closed my eyes. I'm dreaming. Open your eyes Clarrie…Open them.

Opening my eyes slowly looking down into the quadrangle. I could see the lone figure of my best friend, smiling up at me.

He blew a kiss and turned back toward the gates, his detail waiting there patiently for him.

He turned and waved, then disappeared into the night.

'Clarrie…Please…Look at me love.'

I turned my body slowly.

It was like time had stood still, like I was transported back 5 years.

He put his fingers under my chin and gently pulled my face up.

I kept my eyes down. More tears burning them, then falling down my face.

'God Clarrie…You're so beautiful…Still so beautiful. You haven't changed one bit.' He said quietly.

'You have Robert…A lot.' I told him, still not daring to look into his steely blue eyes. Not daring to let him into my heart, not daring to feel.

'Clarissa…Please look at me.' He asked.

I slowly lifted my eyes and he gasped. 'Still so beautiful.'

He was older. A few wrinkles around his tired eyes.

Little laughter lines around his mouth.

His hair shorter and he was almost clean shaven.

A light shadow of hair but no beard. He was still stunning.

'Hi beautiful.' He smiled softly, his eyes twinkling.

'Hello Rob. Long time, no see.' I said a little blasé.

'5 years…In two weeks, it will be 5 years Clarrie.' He told me, staring into my eyes.

More stupid tears dripped off of my chin.

'I've missed you love.' He said softly.

I raised an eyebrow. 'You've survived.'

'Clarrie I looked for you. I went to your island and searched. I found your house but the housekeeper told me you'd left. I asked her for your phone number but she wouldn't give me it. Then I went to the States and my life changed but I never forgot you Clarrie. I thought of you everyday. I used to search the faces of fans looking for you. Hoping you would turn up at a premiere. I thought I saw you once. On a plane from LA but I lost you in the crowd, when we touched down at Heathrow. I was certain it was you. I recognised your hair. I tried to follow you but the bloody papz were out in force that day…But I guess…It wasn't you…Was it?'

'It was me Rob…I saw you too but I…'

'What love? Why didn't you speak Clarrie?'

'I was…I didn't think you would remember me.' I admitted.

'Remember you…I could never forget you Clarissa. I went crazy that day. When I found the bed empty. Then I found your note…God Clarrie. I still have it. In my wallet. I carry it everywhere with me. When I'm feeling down, I just read it and it makes me feel better. Look love.'

He took out a tattered leather wallet from inside his jacket and pulled out a cellophane bag. My note carefully folded and placed inside there for protection.

I gasped and shook my head slowly.

'I went back to the pub Rob. Harry picked me up from your place, he was…Well he was pissed actually. He was worried about me and when I called him, his security people traced my mobile phone. Within minutes they were outside waiting for me. I wanted to come into the bedroom and explain but I was a coward. I couldn't face you. I wasn't allowed to tell you who my friend was Rob. I wasn't able to explain anything. So I wrote it down. I didn't want to leave…I had to. I…I told Harry I loved you and he made me go back to the pub in case you were there. I even tried Tom's flat. I left a note with my mobile number but you never called so I thought…'

'Clarrie I swear. I never got a note love. I promise you. I got a call from the States. The director of the movie wanted me there ASAP. I had to change my flight and I left 2 days later.'

'And the rest…As they say is history.' I said bitterly.

'Oh no Clarrie. Everytime I came home I went back to the Angel in Soho. I even came to the island a few times, two years running. Just in the hope of seeing you again.' He told me.

'And to celebrate New Years with your girlfriend.'

'Yes…We were a couple but not anymore Clarrie. When Harry introduced himself to me and then he told me he was friends with you, I couldn't believe it. He brought me here Clarrie. He said you still…'

'What? What did he say?' I asked angrily.

What the hell was Harry doing?

'He said you still had feelings for me…That you have for all these years.'

I shook my head.

'Too many years have gone by Robert. Too many changes in both our lives. We've both grown up. You still live in a world of make-believe and I live in a world of fantasy.'

He looked at me quizzically. 'Fantasy?' He asked.

'I'm a novelist Rob. My pen name is Elisa Miller.' I told him matter-of-factly.

'Oh my God…You wrote 'Severed Heart' didn't you? I've read it Clarrie, it's brilliant. I'm so proud of you love, that's wonderful.' He beamed, genuinely happy for me.

'And you're a big movie star. With millions of women dreaming of you. You see…Big changes for us both.'

'Clarrie…It's all bullshit love. All the publicity, it's all crap. I love making the movie's, the actual acting but everything else is just fucked up crap…Believe me.' He said, his brow furrowed.

'Well…Personally…I loved Remember Me. I thought you were brilliant. Harry bought me the DVD, in fact, Harry's bought me all your DVD's. He even managed to get a copy of Vanity Fair uncut, with you at the end.' I smiled happily.

'You love him…Don't you.' Rob asked suddenly.

'What? He…I…'

'You love him Clarrie and he loves you. Why else would he deliberately find me and tell me where you were? He must love you very much.'

'I don't love him like that Rob…He's like my brother.'

'I think you've been telling yourself that for too long love. How many boyfriends have you had since…Us?'

'I've had dates but…'

'How many Clarrie?' Rob pushed, his hands holding mine.

'None…Happy now. Just you Rob. You were my first and no-one has touched me since.' I confessed.

'He loves you Clarrie and you may not know it but…You love him.' He smiled, kissing my forehead softly.

I felt numb.

Where was the pull toward him.

Where were the tingles and trembles and speeding heart beats?

'Rob…Kiss me.' I asked quietly.

I had to know…Had to feel…Had to be sure.

He brought his lips to mine, pulling me into his chest. His tongue swept across my lips and he moaned.

I tried to respond.

I willed myself to feel…Anything.

I pulled away looking blankly up into his eyes.

He was so handsome.

He smiled. 'It's not there anymore Clarrie…Is it?' He asked gently, his thumb rubbing my cheek.

I shook my head slowly.

'No Rob…I felt…'

I couldn't understand what was happening.

This man I had cherished, this man I'd loved, worshipped, adored for 5 years.

'One more time Rob…Please.' I asked softly.

He pulled me into his arms, crashing his lips to mine.

I pushed my hands into his hair.

It felt wrong.

There were no tiny, short hairs on the back of his neck.

There was no familiar cologne, no heat on his lips, nothing.

'I'm sorry Rob.' I told him, pushing him away.

'Nothing Clarrie?' He asked softly.

'Nothing.' I whispered back.

He smiled, then got up, pulling me into his arms for a hug.

'Send me an invite for the wedding okay…Oh and if things don't work out as a Princess beautiful, give me a call.' He smiled, kissed me softly, chastely, friendly.

'Rob…Did you…Feel anything?'

'No love…It was like kissing a co-star in a movie.' He grinned.

'Except Kristen Rob?' I told him gently.

'Yeah…Except Kristen…Who knows…Maybe I'll get her back.' He smiled sheepishly.

'I wish you all your dreams come true, Robert Pattinson.'

'You too Clarissa St James. Stay in touch okay?'

'Yeah okay…Maybe a drink sometime, at the Angel. You and Kristen…Me and…Whoever.'

We exchanged cell numbers, promising each other not to lose contact but deep in my heart, I knew, that wouldn't happen.

He left a few minutes later.

I watched him walk across the quadrangle and out of my life.

I picked up my cell. Dialled speed dial for HRH Wales.

'Hey Princess…Where's the vampire going?' He asked jokingly.

'Harry…Come home…Please.' I asked softly.

'What's wrong? Didn't he want you Clarrie?' He asked incredulously.

'Harry come home. I love you. I didn't want him. It's you I love.' I sobbed, happy tears.

'I'm on my way love…Stop crying Clarrie please. God, I've waited 10 years to hear you say those words. I love you so much Clarrie.' He told me breathlessly.

I watched from the window as he waved up at me.

'I love you Princess.' He shouted loudly.

'Hurry up Harry. I want you so bad, hurry my love.' I ended the call.

Who knew what the future held?

Who could foretell if my Prince and I would have the fairytale.

No-one knew but as he pushed open the door, the look on his handsome face told me, I would never find a love so unselfish, so pure, so true ever again.


End file.
